Pain: THE QUALITY OF LIFE

I have found that psychological  pain can surpass or at least; intermingle with; EXQUISITE physical pain. If you LOVE someone viscerally; you FEEL THEIR PAIN in your guts.; you WILL DO ANYTHING to alleviate their pain; thereby your own. This is because you OWN their pain. This EMPATHIC PAIN is one of the greatest you can feel. Pain can be EXQUISITE as empty gut love; heart wrenching love. I remember FEELING of exquisite pain; of hip graft pain. The fear of WINNING the negative lottery; when prednisone destroys the blood supply to your femoral heads with arterial swelling. It causes femoral head aseptic necrosis, by sweeping swelling of micro blood vessels rebounding after steroids.This causes blood-starved femoral head bone death. In my case for a simple ear infection; I lost blood supply to my femoral heads. The very top of my hips. My legs. I found out what it was to have feet of clay. After hip graft surgery,hip pain is referred everywhere along  the nerves of the the legs, buttocks ,lower back groin; and all the way to EVERY toe. They sing in EXQUISITE pain; EVERY morning for weeks to months. As well, from the removal of 8 inches of central fibualar free graft; you get phantom bone pain which threads through your calves; and hitting an EXQUISITE flute- like crescendo; agonizing; in a high C pitch. It seems as if the tips of the toes SING in a dark church; a church red lit for a cruel insensitive mourning. So extreme and abstract it was; that I HAD TO face and strangely revere it; inescapably ACCEPT IT; finding solace by reading of “The Book of The Samauri”; THE HAGAKURE with its tenets, of enforcing your own bravery, focusing on meditations of painful unseaming, disembowelment. One CAN adapt to ALMOST ANYTHING.This IS the QUALITY OF LIFE. One Must know BOTH pleasure AND pain.

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